It was never about hope with me, but expectations I desire to be met. Disappointment is a momentary detour in my pursuit for the best. No use in dwelling in the deficiency of others. It was never about letting my guard down with me, but allowing them to understand exactly what I need and want, without sacrificing my dignity or sense of self worth. I don't bargain with swindlers. My heart hasn't ached in ages, but it has felt the sting of defeat and the numbness that follows unrequited love. Beyond that, my heart doesn't feel much of anything anymore...it is my ego that takes most of the impact. I have loved foolishly and have let myself go along for the ride for the sake of the experience. Whether it was for the company, sex, or even laughs; it was always superficial, acquisitive, and temporary. But I was never blindsided. I saw them coming from a mile away, and they always behaved as I had surmised. It is unfair of me to be mad or even sad. So, my hopes...they will remain high. My guard, it may not be down but at least it remains penetrable. I'm not worried. I'll win in the end. I'll be queen someday.
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